Some suggestions for how to wash hair without having your son screaming in sheer panic and agony at the start of hair washing would be much appreciated. It’s such a spectacle that there is no way my neighbors could appropriately think anything other than I am beating him without mercy. Seriously. It’s awkward and a little embarrassing.

We need to ensure that the odious water does not near his ocular region in the slightest. We also need to figure out a way to keep ears from getting wet. Oh, and no water can get in his mouth. Just how does one wash a head when the child pitches a fit when water touches the head?

Points awarded if you can guess which son I am referencing here.